There are a lot of things I wish I had done in my life, or maybe I wish I had done differently. Yet again, I come to the fact that I believe everything happens for a reason. If any one thing in my life had been altered I truly believe it would have altered every aspect of my life from that moment on.
I do wish I had done better in school when I was younger. I do wish I had gone to college, but I still don't know what I want to do, so I don't see how going then would have done much good, except maybe for an AA in general studies. It wouldn't have been the worst thing to be married, and then get pregnant, but ya know I don't do things by the book ;-)
One thing I can say I would have really liked to have done, is be more financially responsible. I wish I had known then what I know now, and how my past financial mistakes would effect my families future for so many, many years to come.
I realize that it took making the mistakes to get where I am now, but it would be so nice to be one of those people who is just naturally good with money. Someone who never has to think twice about which bill should get paid first or which should get the lump sum if/when there is extra to put somewhere. I wish I was one of those people who could easily say "no I don't need that, I need to save for x" or I need to do x with my money and not spend it on a million little things that add up so quickly. I wish I could think quickly about needs first and wants second and not be so impulsive. I wish it was simply ingrained in me, like it is in some.
I know I am doing better, but that doesn't change the past. It doesn't change the damage that has already been done, and that will last for years to come. The guilty that comes with knowing that if I had done things differently from the beginning we would be in a different place financially, that maybe things would have gone differently in our lives.
Then I think about where our lives are right now, and no matter what road we had to take to get here, I am so grateful that we are here. I wouldn't change it for the world. I know it has been a rough road at times, but we have learned so much along the way and our family and our marriage has grown because of it. These are the kind of reasons I believe everything happens for a reason. What if everything had come so easily to me...where would I be now? I don't think I would be here. I know I wouldn't be taking this challenge, typing this blog and reflecting on my past and looking forward to my future in a way I never expected to.
So no matter how much I wish I had done something one way, or not done something another, I am grateful for where my life is and where my life is headed, and if I had to do it all over again to get to this point I would. I have learned an immense amount, but more than anything I have learned to stop making the same mistake twice and figure out what the lesson is the first time around so I can avoid some of the BS in the future!