Jenni's Army Wife Lessons

These are in no particular order, just some things I have learned since joining the ranks of the Army Wives:

• Family first, and family no longer means just those who share your name or your blood
• Distance really does make the heart grow fonder
• It's okay to pray a little more selfishly now, 30 seconds is just not enough, go for at least 5 minutes
• Your phone will remain permanently attached to you when your spouse is away, and yes that means in the bathroom too!
• Sleep  is a thing of the past, you can't even dream about it, because dreaming requires sleeping
• The mailman will either be your best friend or your worst enemy, it just depends on the day
• Take the time to write a letter, even after BCT.  It will mean the world to someone you love
• Send a card just because...getting mail brings a smile to peoples faces
• Only travel in sneakers, heels are much too painful, your friend(s) will understand and so will your spouse
• A direct flight, or one where you do NOT have to change planes is worth the extra $$
• Clicking your heels twice when you reach Kansas does not get you anywhere any faster...ruby slippers or no ruby slippers, believe me when I say I've tried
• Always carry some cash when you travel, you never know when a toll road will lead to your final destination...Thank you Lt Col, I will be forever grateful for this advice
• Even snow, ice and 6 degrees is not as bad as you think when it means you get to see the 2 loves of your life in 1 place after an extended period of time...throw in a best friend and you barely even notice the frigidness
• GPS's and Post's don't communicate well (if at all)..a word to the new Army Wife
• Asking questions will save a lot of time...and probably a lot of searching
• Resist the urge to salute every person you see in a uniform...you WILL look like a fool if you do this (no I didn't do it, but I did have the urge quite often...shh don't tell)
• Remember the US Army sicker on your back windshield next time (every time) you feel your road rage coming on.  You now represent the US Army as well...
• Another reminder, EVERYTHING you do reflects on your spouse.  Think before you speak and/or act
• Learn Army "speak" it will make you life much easier, and communication with the world you are becoming part of easier to, just my opinion
• If the Army says to be somewhere at 2100, that really means 2030
• The Army is never wrong, even when the Army is wrong
• Be prepared to "Hurry up and wait" it is going to be a large part of your life for the next x amount of years
• The only thing consistent about the Army is change, you can get used to it now, but it's just going to change
• I am convinced the definition of organized chaos was deemed by the Army, or at minimum the military
• Love like you have never loved before, you may not have tomorrow to do it again
• You can be independent and still ask for help
• Never refuse someones offer to help, and always offer your help when you can
• Always have your camera..and extra batteries
• Take tons of pictures
• Stop saying "goodbye" and learn to say "I'll see you soon"
• Sometimes it's okay to cry a little, it doesn't make you weak, it makes you human
• Don't forget to enjoy the little things in the chaos of this new life, take time to be with your spouse and child(ren), the computer, cleaning, errands, can all wait another hour while you spend quality time talking, reading, cooking, whatever makes you happy
• Sit down for your meals, even if you are not hungry, take that time to talk about the day
• A George Foreman grill with the removable, dishwasher safe grill plates is a MUST for those of us (that would be me!!) who refuse to touch a propane grill with a 10 foot pole for fear of setting off a ticking time bomb...YES, I AM a wimp at heart
• There is a time to be neurotic, and a time to just go with it and enjoy the little time you have with the ones you love, the sooner you figure out which time is which, the sooner you will adjust and enjoy this life we lead

Day 12-Something you never get compliments on

Hmmm....I am sure there are a lot of things I do not get compliments on, but I have never actually sat down to think about it.  I often disregard the compliments I DO get, but that's a different story.


I'd venture to guess I don't get complimented on how neurotic I am.  It's not a good trait in excess, especially the excessiveness that I have it in.  In fact it is probably the thing that drives the people around me crazy the most.  I get told to calm down, take a breath, and suck it up a lot, or to stop repeating myself, or any number of other things when I am about to or have already gone off the "deep end".  I often repeat myself when I am upset, frustrated, or confused.  I'm sure you have already seen this in my writing.  When something is difficult for me to discuss I tend to ramble and repeat.  I often write the way I speak or vise versa.


There I go again, off on another tangent.  There isn't much else to tell you on this one, it's pretty cut and dry.

Day 11-Something people seem to compliment you the most on

If we are going with the current day to day cosmetic compliment, it would be my weight loss since I have lost roughly 60 lbs in the last 8 months or so.  It is now becoming a more dramatic change, however when I started this challenge I said I wasn't going to focus on the cosmetic, or "easy" answers like this one.

So if I were to delve deeper, the thing that people seem to compliment me the most on would probably be Gunnar.  I am often told what a good child Gunnar is.  How well behaved he is and well mannered.  He is not shy and is happy to hold a conversation with an adult, be it a soldier in uniform, or the person standing next to us in line or my grandfather.  He takes great interest in technical things like building rockets with my dad, Lego's by himself, a volcano with Curt or watching the science channel instead of the Disney channel (at his request).

Gunnar has straight A's and his reading is absolutely stellar!  He is continuously getting 100% on his weekly spelling tests and also doing phenomenal in math.  I can assure you the math and spelling cannot be attributed to myself OR Curt, so I'm not sure where that is coming from, but we are both so proud!

Although Curt and I are Gunnar's parents, and yes we taught him the basic manners of please and thank yous we don't feel that we can take full credit for the wonderful child we have.  We were blessed with having a very easy child from birth.  I think this was our gift for going through such a difficult pregnancy, but that's just my thought.  Gunnar has always been a very affectionate child.  That, Curt and I will take full credit for.  We are both very affectionate people, and are happy to have a child who is not concerned about showing his love for others.

As for Gunnar's general goodness, I truly believe it is just something that he was born with.  Something that is a God given trait, just like his father.  He is a great kid, and I don't think that we can really take credit for much more than teaching him the basics.

That being said, G-man is by no means perfect, please do not take that away from this.  He is still a 6 year old boy who gets too wild, who talks too much, who interrupts when I'm talking and can't keep his hands to himself, but he's a BOY!  If that's the least of my worries, I think I have it pretty easy.  He still gives me hugs and kisses when I drop him off in the morning.  He is still thrilled to see me when I pick him up in the afternoon.  He still asks me for "luvin" time in the evenings or on the weekends.  I know this won't last forever, so I cherish these moments while they do last.

So as nice as it is to hear that I look good because I have lost weight, knowing that I am raising a kid who is a good human being will last a lifetime, and that's what this is all about.  I just hope we can continue on the same path with the little man.  He's an amazing kid, but we have a lot of challenges yet to face.  I have complete faith that with Curtis by my side Gunnar will become a wonderful man, husband and father, just like his dad.  Who knows, maybe even a soldier too...time will tell.

Day 10-Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know

I have worked very hard recently to get the toxic people out of my life.  If you have read the rest you know who the main toxic people were.  At this point in my life I am happy to report that the are few if any toxic people in my life.  If there are any, they are people that simply have to remain in my life, if you get my drift.  In this respect they are not so much toxic, but more of an occasional pain.

I can say there are not any people currently in my life or that have passed through my life that I wish I didn't know.  I have said it before and I will say it again.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and there is a reason for everything.  I believe everyone currently in my life and everyone that has passed through my life has been for a reason.  Whether for a lesson, for comfort, for friendship, or for another unknown reason, there is always a reason, it just may not be know to me.

I do find that hindsight is 20/20 and I tend to learn more after the fact than I do during the actual encounters.  I also find that I am much more open to the lessons of life now than I was when I had toxic people blocking my views.  I am still figuring out who I am and how to be the best me I can be, but it is a lot easier when I am making my own decisions and leading my own way instead of following someone else, toxic or not.  I won't be following anyone anymore, but I will be by my husbands side all the way, just as I know he will be by mine.

Day 09-Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted

Sorry for the delay, with the trip to Ft Sill, and life being a bit crazed since we've been home, this is the first chance I have had to get back to the challenge.

I can think of a few people in my life that have drifted further than I would like.  My friend Nicole lives farther than I care to think about and is now married and I wasn't able to be at her wedding.  My friend Brook is only a few hours away, but we hardly talk anymore because our schedules are just so off every time we try to meet up.  My friends Azia and Kelly from the shore when I grew up I have nearly lost touch with except for the Facebook statuses I read, and I think of other friends from my teen years that I would love to reconnect with and names fly through my head, but there is one that really stands out.  Matt.

Matt and I were the best of friends, we were nearly inseparable, except for the fact that we went to different schools.  We met in middle school at church.  A bit ironic considering Matt didn't care much for church or anything relating to it, but I digress.  We hit it off immediately.  He actually started dating one of my still best friends, Khrys.  I was the go between, that's how we became such fast friends.

From the beginning he would let me do almost anything to him.  I've died his hair, painted his nails, given him a facial.  I even have pictures when he let me put curlers in.  He was like the best girlfriend, in male form.  We spent the night at each others houses, and neither of our parents cared because it was purely platonic, and neither of us saw the other like that, yet we were both VERY protective when one was in a relationship.  We never thought anyone was good enough for the other person. 

That inevitability is what led to the demise of our relationship over 8 years later.  During our senior year I introduced him to a friend from school named Heidi.  At some point they started dating, but didn't tell me, I' sure for the above reason.  I was upset by the betrayal, but also because I didn't think she was good enough for him.  He thought differently, and soon chose Heidi over me.  I found out after graduation that he had proposed and they were getting married.  

The Matt I knew was totally opposed to marriage, so I was baffled.  The last I heard they were married.  I found her on Facebook and sent a friend request, with no reply, but I have been unsuccessful in finding him.  I would love to make amends and know how he is doing and let bygones be bygones and see my old friend.  Who knows, maybe someday our paths will once again cross in this huge world that is often so very small.

Oklahoma trip for BCT Graduation

For all of my meticulous planning, we ran into a bit of a snafu before we ever left the house on Wednesday morning.  I dutifully checked our flight shortly after I got up, only to find a big red X followed by the word I had been dreading...CANCELLED.  I called my mom in a panic, and she reassured me that I would get there, just not on my original flight.  I called the airline and was able to book a flight for a bit later.  It was not a straight flight like the original, so Gunnar and I would be changing planes in Kansas City.  Something I had gone great lengths to avoid.  Not only was there no sign of Toto when we got to Kansas, but I tried clicking my heels 2 times and we still didn't get to Oklahoma any quicker.  I realized later when I saw a young girl with sparkly red shoes that it was my shoes that had been the problem all along.  I will have to remember to bring my ruby red slippers next time I pass through Kansas.

We made it to OKC (Oklahoma City) and got to our rental car.  It was another 85 or so miles to Ft Sill, and lucky for me I met a wonderful Lt Col. on the flight who was nice enough to let me know that I-44 from OKC to Lawton/Ft Sill is a toll road.  For those of you Arizonans who have no idea what I'm talking about, it means you have to stop every so often and pay a lovey person x amount to drive on the road you are taking.  Cash money ONLY!  Had I not been told, my AZ butt would have been SOL, because I had no cash on me.  Lesson 1 of MANY, NEVER travel without cash!

Needless to say, we made it through the snow, frigid temperatures, multiple gate and road closures on post, and found our hotel.  Gunnar was a trooper, although I believe he thinks mydon'ts and hold my hand's thrown in for good measure.  Did I mention it was a mere 6 degrees when we pulled into Ft Sill that night? vocabulary the first day or 2 was reduced to, NO! Ice, Watch, Stop, Be Careful, Ice, NO!  With a few

The next day was Thursday and the first day we would get to see Curt, but it would be on the Army's terms.  This was called "Family Day".  Curt's portion of Family Day was not until 11am, so we first went to my friend Shawnda's husband, Brent's Family Day ceremony which was right before Curt's.  This was great because not only did we get a feel for what was coming, but we also get great seats for Curt's.  Once the Family Day ceremony was finished we had to wait for the platoon to be officially dismissed, and we were strongly "encouraged" not to rush the formation.  By the time Gunnar and I got across the parking lot of ice and snow, the formation had already been dismissed and it was all we could do not to run straight to Curt!  This did not stop me from stepping right into a 2 foot pile of snow...what a way to see him for the first time after 6 weeks, huh, covered to the knees in snow!  Leave it to me to make a graceful appearance!  After hugging us both, he promptly swooped down to brush the snow from my jeans before whisking us away to meet everyone in sight.

Each was introduced by last name only, unless it was a spouse, parent or sibling, and then I had the pleasure of getting both names.  Luckily I was already pretty familiar with most of the names I was hearing, either from letters, or from our all too brief time together over Christmas.  It was great to meet everyone in person, and put names with faces.  I can honestly say this was the most amazing group of people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.  Each shook my hand, and Gunnar's, and by the time we left we were all hugging our goodbyes, or "see you soons" as I now no longer say good bye, or am learning not to.

We went to lunch with quite a few of the wonderful people I had met and had a great time!  After that we headed back to the hotel.  Gunnar and I were not feeling quite up to par and we just wanted to relax with Curt.  We spent time relaxing and just being together before we headed to dinner with our dear friends Brent, Shawnda, and their son Parker.  We had a great dinner at Olive Garden that had been a long time coming.  I am pretty sure Shawnda and I had been planning it for about 6 months!  Before I knew it, dinner was over and it was time to get Curt back to his bay.  It is a very strange feeling to drop your husband off to sleep somewhere else knowing that you will be just a mile or so away.

Friday was the actual graduation.  We started the morning with Brent's graduation.  A perfect example of the inconsistency of the Army.  We were told Brent's graduation would be at 9am so we lined up in the cold outside the auditorium at 8:15ish to get good seats.  What we found out, along with MANY other families, was that this information was wrong and graduation did not start until 10am.  The auditorium staff was nice enough to let us into the front of the building so we did not freeze until the main seating opened up at 9:45am.  Once seated things went smoothly, and both the boys were good.  Gunnar and I went to get something to eat after Brent's graduation while we waited for Curt's to start.

Lucky for us, Curt's started on time, and it had warmed up a bit by the time we had to wait to get in for his.  Poor Gunnar was so tired by this point he slept through the entire thing, including the Army band.  I am very proud to say, Curt graduated with honors in the top 5 percent of his class.  It was an amazing feeling to watch him walk across that stage, I can only imagine the pride he had, because the pride in me was overwhelming.

After graduation everyone had to be picked up at the bays.  This posed a challenge for me, as my GPS doesn't work on post, and as I said above, multiple roads and gates were closed, causing lots of detours.  I was fortunate enough to have the wife of one of Curt's good friends lead the way, and even pull over on the side of the road to wait for me when security decided I would be a good person to pull over for a routine check since my rental didn't have a post sticker.  We caravaned with parents of another of the wonderful soldiers I met while I was there and got to the bays along with 100's of other people.

After finding Curt among the many soldiers we decided to look for a few things around post that we wanted.  First stop was finding the teddy bear in ACU's that Gunnar has been coveting for some time.  He saw a picture of Parker with one and hasn't stopped talking about it since.  That turned out to be the easiest of our "wants" to find.  Next on the list was a pair of miniature ACU's for Gunnar himself.  This is also something G-man has wanted since the first time we met with a recruiter.  He knew they existed because he has had a miniature flight suit, 2 to be exact.  When he grew out of the first one, he promptly requested a second from Great Papas also known as my mom's dad.  The mini ACU's turned out to be harder to find than I ever anticipated.  We started at what we thought would be the most logical place, the PX (Post Exchange).  We started with the small PX because Brent had seen them there, but they only had a size 4, no go for our humungo kiddo.  Then we went to the big PX.  When we came up empty handed there we went to the tactical store which sells military clothes, etc.  Again a no go, but this time I got smart.  I was running out of stores to check, so I asked the woman behind the counter if she had any inkling as to where I could find such a thing.  It's amazing where asking a simple question can get you!  She pointed us to a store in the same parking lot....Military Clothing and Sales...who'd thunk!  Sure enough they had all types of military attire from ASU's, ACU's, PT's, and everything in between.  In the back there was a kids section with miniature ACU's in all sizes and even full PT's too!  I swiped up a PT shirt while G was trying on the ACU's for size, but stayed away from the all too small PT shorts ;-)

By this time it was yet again time to feed our faces.  We were meeting another of Curt's friends and her parents for dinner.  We headed off post to Chili's and ordered Gunnar's dinner while we waited.  We had a wonderful time getting to know each other, and I had an incredible respect for her by the time we had to leave.  I know I could not do what she has done and what she will continue to do, just as I cannot do what Curt has done and will continue to do.  She did tell me that she felt she couldn't be in my shoes, so we agreed that I will continue to support from the sidelines with all I have while they continue to serve and protect while being as safe as humanly possible in their Army careers.

Then it was back to the bays for yet another drop off.  Gunnar is routinely asleep by this time, so we make it a point to say a quick goodbye, or "see ya soon" as I am trying so hard to get used to.  As the Army frowns on PDA in uniform, especially ASU's (Also known as dress blues).

Saturday is our true family day.  Curt was allowed to wear his ACU's as long as we stayed on post.  This meant that G-man would be wearing his too so he could look like daddy!  We were not able to pick up Curt until noon so Gunnar and I went for some breakfast and then back to the hotel to do some of his homework.  Shortly before pick up time I got a text requesting I come baring Starbucks, and that if I did my husband would love me forever and ever and ever, even more than he already does.  In case you haven't guessed, I had to go off post to get the Starbucks.  So Gunnar and I scurried to get the coffee and get to the bays on time AND without getting lost since I no longer had an escort.  Mission accomplished!

We grabbed a bite to eat at the food court at the PX and then started exploring the post.  Ft Sill has a historical portion that is beautiful!  We even found the home of the wonderful Lt. Col. from the plane who was so helpful.  I only know because he told me what to look for, and that this last name would be on the outside of the house.  We also went to a museum with all kinds of Civil War era cannons and weapons.  We even got to see a working catapult replica.  We learner some interesting information about "gunners" that I will share another time.  I got a few good pictures of both of my boys in their ACU's by some cool cannons, but the sun was not being my friend, I hadn't planned my photo session very well :-(

Then we went back to the hotel, ordered salads and pizza and just spent some quality time together.  Before I knew it, it was yet again time to head to the bays.  We were told that we would have Sunday to spend together, but based on the MANY times that Curt's AIT (advanced individual training) had been changed, my Army Wife "gut" told me I should say my goodbyes or "see ya soons" that night.  I even said to Curt, "Do I need to say goodbye now?  I can handle a lot of things, but I can't handle not saying goodbye."  As tears flooded my eyes.  He assured me that he was not going to AIT until Monday and we would have the next day together.  I hugged him tight and drove back to the hotel.  No sooner did I have Gunnar tucked in an snoring than I got a text confirming what my gut knew all along.  Curt would be crossing the tracks to AIT the next day.  I said a short prayer that we get at least 30 seconds to say goodbye to him before we had to leave for our other hotel in OKC the next night.

My prayer was granted after waiting over 2 hours in the car, we got about 28 seconds to say goodbye with Curt's battle buddy/roommate by his side.  Hey, at least I got to meet him before I left, how many wives can say that ;-)  The only real reason they even let him come out was because I brought his cigars, and they are considered contraband until he passes his first PT test.  Instead of making him toss $100+ worth of cigars and his traveling humidor, they took pity on him, or me, or the cigars, who knows!  Either way, he was allowed those few precious seconds to say farewell.  Now whoever said the Army is all bad?  NOT ME for sure!  Although I did learn another very valuable lesson that day.  I am an Army Wife now, it's okay for my prayers to be a bit more selfish.  Next time it'll be 5 minutes instead of 30 seconds!

Gunnar and I headed into Lawton for a late lunch before making our way to OKC for the last night in Oklahoma.  We had an early flight home, and by now we were both ready.  I was an easy drive, until I had to figure out how to return the rental car at the airport.  Errr...airport layouts and I do not get along, I don't care how many signs there are!  By the 3rd loop (or so) I made it to the drop off and called the hotel for the shuttle.  Lucky for me the driver was on break and they said to take "just any cab" and it would be hotel pay.  So I did just that.  Apparently in hotel speak "just any cab" means "airport shuttle only" and the cab I took wasn't one, so I had to pay, or the poor guy would have gotten stiffed, and I wasn't going to let him not get paid because I don't understand hotel lingo.  Then set up a shuttle for the morning.  Come to find out I wasn't the only one who didn't speak the guys "lingo" because the next morning when the shuttle was supposed to pick us up at 4:45am and didn't show by 4:50am I went in to find out what was going on.  Turns out the genius sent the shuttle to the wrong hotel.  Good to know it wasn't just me who didn't speak moran.

We made it to the airport with plenty of time to spare because I have yet to kick the neurotic bone in me.  G-man and I got some breakfast and headed for our gate.  Once on the plane we napped until we landed in AZ, where my favorite baby sister came to our rescue and swooped us home so we could get situated for our return to work and school the next day.  And that my friends, was our trip to Ft Sill, OK for Curt's graduation from basic training.  In a nut shell, it was an amazing experience, I wouldn't change for the world.  I am so incredibly proud of all that my husband has accomplished and that Gunnar and I were able to be there to share that special moment with him and be able to spend time with him and meet the incredible people we met and get a true taste of the life we will be leading for the next undetermined amount of time.  This may only be the beginning of our journey, but it is the start of something truly incredible for our family.

Day 08-Someone who made your life hell or treated you like shit

Are you ready for more redundancy?  If you are boarded I'm sorry, but you cannot say I didn't warn you.

Now, sure there are plenty of people that have treated me like shit in my life.  People that were my friends, and then stabbed me in the back, but none quite like the toxic people I have spoken of in other posts.

The main reason I keep coming back to this family is not because I was hurt so badly, I can get over that, but because my entire family was hurt so badly.  Down to my 6 year old son, who could not understand why he would yell "hi" across the street and get nothing but a nasty glare from his so called "friend", a 9 year old being lead by the actions of her parents.

It's one thing if you hurt me, I am a big girl, and no matter how bad it hurts I will eventually put my big girl panties on and deal with it, but when you hurt my family, you cross the line!  The worst part is that they were repeat offenders.  They hurt us over and over again and I kept going back.  I kept putting my family in a position to get hurt over and over again.

We couldn't get away no matter how hard we tried.  They were in every aspect of our lives.  Curt worked directly with him, I work for the same company as her, we live across the street, so even when we come home there was no getting away.  We'd see them at the grocery store, when we were out to dinner, at Walmart, no place was safe from their glares and loud whispers of disgust.  Only they had no reason to be disgusted, they were the ones that were causing the pain, not us.

During the 4+ years they were in our lives, she often talked down to and about my husband.  She did the same to me, but not in such an obvious way.  She made me think that what she was telling me was because she "loved" me and she was doing what was "best" for me.  If I didn't know better I would swear I was brainwashed. 

What it came down to is that I was scared of her.  I was scared because she had so much control over my life, our lives.  If I didn't do what she wanted, when she wanted, there would be repercussions.  Sometimes the repercussions involved me, sometimes they fell on Curt.  She ruled the roost, so if she didn't like something all it took was a call to her husband to make Curt's life a living hell.  This was one of the most common things she did. 

That and because she "helped" with our finances off and on over the 4+ years, she OFTEN held OUR money over our heads.  If we didn't do exactly as she wanted we couldn't use our own money.  She also frequently allowed me to spend money on frivolous things but would not allow Curt to buy basic needs like work boots.  I was blind to it for so long.  I did what she wanted to keep the peace, or what I thought was keeping the peace.  What I didn't realize was the toll it was taking on my marriage and my child.

You see, this whole family was toxic, and it was turning us toxic.  The little girl is the meanest, most intentionally horrible child I have ever met, and she would constantly degrade Gunnar and try to get him in trouble, or blame him for things she did.  She is the spitting image of her mother.  Normally I would never talk about a child in this manner, but this child is damaged beyond repair.  You can see evil in her eyes. 

The husband went from being Curt's friend to his worst nightmare, hoovering over him at work, trying, however unsuccessfully to get him in trouble.  He did manage to make the schedule though, and made sure that Curt was on call for any and all major or minor family event, holidays, anything you can think of.  One minute Curt's hours were being cut to less than 40 per week, the next he's working 60+ and we never see him. 

She made me mean, there is no way around it.  When I was with her, I became like her.  I stood like her, I ate like her, I dressed like her, I spent money like her, I treated my family like she treated her family....like SHIT!  I hated who I had become, but I didn't know how to get away.  Everything was so intertwined with them.  We live across the street, worked with each other, did nearly everything together.  I couldn't sneeze without her knowing.  I had to take back control of our lives!

It started with our decision for Curt to join the Army, but even that was excitement that had to be kept under wraps.  he enlisted in June but wasn't shipping out until November and he needed his job until then, so we couldn't say anything to his work, or them, which meant having to be VERY careful who we told anything to since our worlds were so connected.  The good thing was, this was the perfect opportunity to start sliding out from under their grasp. 

So we did.  It started kind of gradually, we weren't hanging out with them as much, then it was a wave from across the street instead of sprinting across to talk and dropping everything else around me.  Before I knew it, she wasn't speaking to me.  I couldn't for the life of me figure out what I had done, but I suddenly realized I was glad I had done it (whatever it was).

Other than the awkward moments when we saw each other across the street or in public, life was really starting to get so much better for us.  Curt and I were moving forward with our new adventure, although very few people knew, we did and we were so excited.  It meant a whole new world of possibilities for us.  The best day came when Curt gave his notice and this huge weight was lifted.  we didn't have to hide anymore.  Better yet was that his last day was the day before my birthday, just 1 less day they could try to take away from us.

As of our last encounter, she still tried to put the dissolve of our "friendship" on me.  If that's what makes her sleep at night, than so be it.  Truth be told, I am the one that backed off, I needed to find out who I was apart from her toxic persona.  I needed to find me, a me that was not attached at the hip to someone who spewed vile every time she opened her mouth.  So if that makes me that bad guy in her eyes, so be it.  In the end, I saved my marriage and my family.  I saved myself from turning into a hate filled, spiteful person that thrives on other peoples misery.  In my eyes that means I win!