Monday, December 6, 2010

This Contentment I Feel....

Do you ever just know that your life is suddenly going exactly according to plan?  Not your plan, not your spouses plan, not even what you dreamed your life would be, but THE PLAN?  That plan that was predestined for you from the time you were conceived, that you have so often strayed from?  The one that you think you have control over, but you are really just along for the ride?

I was looking at the most recent pictures that Alpha Company put up on Facebook, and I came across one of Curtis.  I saw something in him at that moment, and I knew, this is what he was born to do.  This has been THE PLAN all along, and we, or rather I, have been bucking the system.  At that moment I felt this complete and utter feeling of joy and contentment with everything in my life.

For so long I had this feeling that I was holding my husband back from something, but it seemed that neither he nor I knew what it was.  For those of you who know Curt, even if he knew what it was, he never would have said it anyway.  His life's goal has always been to makes sure that Gunnar and I are happy and provided for at any and all costs, even at times his own happiness.  It seems now we may have found our answer.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and everything in due time.  I know full well that 6 or 8 years ago I could not have done this.  I know that 2 years ago I was not ready for this, and when we started talking about it a year ago I had my doubts I am sorry to say.  They were never doubts of Curt's capabilities, but of mine.  To be independent enough to run a household without him, and to be both mom and dad when he is away, but there comes a time in a marriage where you have to give more than you take, and it was my turn to give.  I had been taking for way too long.  It was time for Curt to have a chance for a change, and this was his chance.

Although it was a bumpy road from his enlistment in June to him shipping out for BCT in early November, once it set in that this was it, I was able to see things in a whole new light.  I have found a me I didn't know existed, one I hope Curt is going to be very proud of when he gets home.  I have also as you can see, found what appears to have been THE PLAN along, hiding amongst a picture buried in the Alpha Company Facebook photos, and I see him, and all I feel is pure contentment.  It is a truly amazing feeling.

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