Let me start with yesterdays small victory. This was a little difficult for me, but I know in the end it is all worth it and I will prosper. Simply said, I was the bigger person. It's not the first time, and I know it won't be the last. I made a promise to someone I care deeply about and I intend to keep that promise. That requires me to be the bigger person, no matter how difficult it may currently be or continue to become, I intend to honor my promise.
Now on to today, this day has been full of small victories for me. They may not sound like much, but as the title suggests, I am what any person that knows me even remotely well, would consider very co-dependent. This has been true my entire life. I have always been co-dependent on my parents, specifically my mom, and different friends during different times in my life, and of course my husband for almost 9 years now. There isn't a person who knows me who will disagree for a New York minute with this statement, it has, always been part of my personality.
Well, co-dependence has no place in Army life. If you don't do it, it simply will not get done if your spouse is not there to do it for one reason or another. In this case, it's been a journey of small steps all leading up to today. For me, today was the proof that I CAN do it, whatever IT maybe. IT, today consisted of babysitting for a dear friend of mine, then dropping off some fundraiser cups to one of Curt's old co-workers who was wonderful enough to take them to his old job so I didn't have to. Then pick up the greatest dog for some play time while my parents were out and about.
At this point I decided it was Christmas decorating time. This is usually the time where Curt does all the hard, physical work, and I put the music on and flutter around deciding what decorations go where. Well not this year. While Curt is in BCT, I'm here to do it all if I want it done. To be honest, at first I didn't. We're spending Christmas Eve night at my parents house, so I wasn't going to put the tree up. In my co-dependent mind it was too much trouble. After saying this to my mom and Curt a while back, I was faced with to very disappointed people, and I hadn't even gotten to my son yet, so after some pondering, I quickly changed my tune and decided the tree must go up.
So today was the day, I started with the things I could easily reach and brought them in the house. That's when I tackled the tree. The tree hangs in a large red bag on the wall of our garage, much higher than my 5'2" body. So I get the ladder, this is where it begins to get comical....I had NO idea a ladder could be so damn complicated! If there is a bell or whistle to be had on a ladder, this one has it! So I think it took me 10 minutes just to get it into position. Now don't ask me why, but it never occurred to me that the Christmas tree would be heavy. Or at least not THIS heavy! So when I finally shimmy off one of the hooks, I still have another to go, and then I have to get the tree from my perch on the ladder down to the ground and into the house. I can only imagine what a sight this much have been for anyone passing bye!
I make it inside, and lucky for me, the tree is only 3 pieces, can't be too hard right? Well it's 7.5 ft I'm just over 5 ft and there's quite a few cords that got a bit tangled in transit. Yet somehow there is a 7.5 ft Christmas tree in my living room, that I managed to get up, rather comically, by myself. While still finding time to flutter around and put up all the "fun" stuff.
I did send out a co-dependent text for my mom's assistance in "fluffing" the tree tomorrow, so I am by no means cured of my co-dependency, but I am well on my way to a life of much less dependency then ever before, and I must say, for me that is far more than a small victory!