Old Habits Die Hard

I've found myself falling into a patterns lately, and not the good ones.  Ya know the old saying "Don't count your chickens before they hatch" ?  I have a bad habit of doing that when things get hectic or when I'm overwhelmed.  Most people do this when they are excited about the possibility of something coming their way or something new.  I'm the opposite, expecting the worst before I even know the whole story.

Today was a prime example and my worst offense in quite a while.  I've worked in the insurance industry so I am rather familiar with how things work.  After my accident I made sure all my ducks were in a row and all my phone calls were made.  I filled out all the required paperwork and made sure the right claims were filed with the right people.  I did all the leg work because I was having trouble getting companies to communicate with each other and it was just easier if I did it all.  The only thing I could not control was how long the refund check would take to process for my warranty and that has been the only hold up on the payout from my GAP insurance to close out the claim.  If you are not familiar, GAP insurance covers the excess amount you owe on a vehicle if it is considered a total loss so you are only responsible for the deductible, instead of the balance of the loan.  

I got a letter in the mail today saying a payment had been made by my GAP insurance for less than the balance due and that I was responsible for a large sum of money.  My immediate reaction was fear and then I freaked out, as I only anticipated paying my deductible.  

I placed a call to the GAP company but got a voicemail and left a message.  Not satisfied I called the finance company who sent the letter to see if they had any insight, to no eval.  I then called my mom, and by this point I was crying so hard I could barley get the words out to explain to her what had conspired.  While I was attempting to explain between sobs a call came through on my other line.  It was my GAP company.  The same woman I have been dealing with the whole way through, and who by the way, is amazing!  

She explained that they had not made any payments and was most likely the refund we have been waiting on.  I called the finance company back and asked who made the payment and received confirmation that it was indeed the refund we have been waiting on to close the GAP claim.  I asked the finance company to fax the required documents to the GAP company so we can proceed.

Needless to say this could have all been avoided with a few deep breaths and a lot lees crying, but as I said, old habits die hard.  I'm not excusing how I act or react, I'm simply stating a fact.  I try hard, I do well for a while, and then for whatever reason I tend to revert back to what comes naturally.  I guess it makes sense when you think about it.  It takes so much focus and effort for me to try not to freak out that it's just easier to freak out and get over it than to try not to I guess.  

Maybe someday I'll be free from freak outs and have no need for crying spells, but for now it's one day at a time and doing my damnedest to lay these bad habits to rest.

Good Days

I can no longer count my good days on just my fingers and I'm well past needing my toes.  There was a time however when I only needed 1 hand to count my good days, and it wasn't all that long ago.  Right now, sitting here with the cool breeze coming in my open windows, the smell of pumpkin coming from my oven and music coming from the radio, it may as well have been eons ago.

Good days are in abundance now, those small victories that were so difficult to find each day when I started writing this are now second nature.  I take great joy in things I never noticed before, or never took the time to notice.  Like the fact that I don't have an apron.  I don't think I ever cooked (really cooked) enough to necessitate one before, but I enjoy it, and I am quite messy when I do it.  For instance I was making pumpkin chocolate chip bread for Gunnar today.  

It's a fall favorite in our house and he asks for it as soon as there is a hint of cool air.  I decided to double the recipe to give some to a few friends, forgetting how much the original makes.  Once the last loaf was in the oven and now I am subsequently on my 3rd, yes 3rd shirt of the day.  Most people would have left the pumpkin covered shirt on until they were done, but I was too good for that.  I got 2 loaves in the oven and had some laundry to do so I thought I'd wash the dirty shirt since all I had to do was transfer batter from bowl to pan.  How hard could that be?  Well apparently when you have a clean shirt it's harder than it looks...so here I am in another clean shirt and ya know what, it's okay!  

I made dinner and Curt invited a buddy over who's wife is out of town.  Then Courtney dropped Hailey off for a sleepover of sorts since she has to have Alex in for surgery early tomorrow.  We all enjoyed some fresh pumpkin bread for dessert.  Now Gunnar and Hailey are both asleep, Curt is taking is friend home, the dishes are done and the dishwasher is running, I have some laundry going and all I hear are the various hums of and uneventful yet productive day.  A Good Day.  No longer few and far between, but often and abundant. 

Tie a knot and hang on

"When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on." ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

When I first read this I laughed out loud.  I thought, what a great analogy for life!  If I can think of this quote each time I am having a rough day, a tough time or just a "moment" if I can laugh like that, or giggle, or even just smile, that is all I need to pull me out of my funk.

I am convinced some days will require more than just one knot, but I figure as long as I can still hang on it's all good right?!

I'll let you ponder this and see if you find it as wonderfully simplistic and yet deceivingly difficult as I do.  Meanwhile I am going to put these tired eyes to rest.

I Never Thought

I never thought in my wildest dreams I would become a military wife.  I distinctly recall telling Curt when we were first dating that if he had any intention of joining the service I was not the girl for him.  I wanted a man who was going to come home every night, a man who was going to have a "safe" job and someone who I would always know where he was.  HA!  I was pretty delusional, not only about military life, but about my future husband's career as well.  Curt's prior Army career was far from "safe", and although he did come home every night, there was never a guarantee as to when he would be home.  Most nights it was late, some even later, and then there were the nights he would walk in the door just to get a call and have to walk right back out.  As for knowing where he was all the time, not only was/is that unrealistic for anyone to ask of another person, but in Curt's prior line of work he drove all over the valley and sometimes the state.  There is no possible way I could have known where he was at any given time, but he was good about keeping me in the "loop" as much as he could.  For those of you who don't know, Curt was a mobile tire tech for big rigs and heavy equipment before he joined the Army.  He did that for about 11 years, and if you have read much of my blog you know we have been together for about 9 years.  That means he was in this line of work when I met him, so I had no valid reason to be delusional, I simply was because it suited my way of thinking at the time I suppose.  

Now that you understand I had no actual intentions 9+ years ago of being where I am now, you may have a greater appreciation for how far I have come.  Or you may say to yourself (or to me) it's about damn time!  And I wouldn't blame you one bit, it is time, and I am ever so thankful that I have been given the opportunity to grow and succeed the way I have.  I have come to the conclusion that this lifestyle is not for everyone.  This is the part where you sink or swim, where you find out if you can live this life or not, and it's not an easy life by any standards, but the military is the best at training it's soldiers.  Now I may not be the soldier, and I may not have signed on the dotted line, but I will stand beside my husband the whole way through, and if that means I get some "training" alone the way, sign me up!  I am convinced that the training period the soldier goes through is also a training for the family.  It trains us to be away from our loved one for extended periods of time, which is common in the military.  It trains us to go lengths of time with little to no communication from our soldier, also common, but what I found for me to be the most substantial part of the training was to be self sufficient, self reliant and to learn to "put my big girl panties on".

So while I think about how far I have come and how far we have come as a family (both literally and figuratively) in just shy of a year, I know that we have all had victories both large and small.  I think about how much our live have changed and still I wouldn't change any of it.  I see, hear, and do things now on a daily basis that I never imagined I would ever do, see or hear, yet it's all in the realm of our daily lives now.  We pass teams of soldiers and SWAT training on buildings being prepared for renovation when I walk Gunnar to and from school.  We no longer bat an eye.  I sat today and had a conversation with Courtney while her picture frames rattled on the walls from the artillery just miles away.  We often pause our conversations with friends or while on the phone as aircraft fly slowly just above the tree line.  I get a call to drop off Curt's ear pro at the motor pool or to see if his ACH is in the trunk.  The funny thing is I know exactly what he's talking about.  


These are now common everyday occurrences and I don't think much about them as they happen, yet as I sit here and type this I am still in awe that this is my life.  As I live it day in and day out I can't imagine it any other way.  The friendships I've made, and the ones I continue to make are ones I truly believe will stand the test of distance and time.  The love, guidance and genuine respect given and received is amazing to be a part of.

Don't mistake what I'm saying, this is no easy journey.  The days can be long and the nights can be lonely, however I know I am never really alone.  I always have a friend to call anytime day or night.  I always have a shoulder to cry on.  Our children always have a "daddy" to hug even if THEIR Daddy isn't home that night.  We make it through and we do a lot of it together.  I've learned very quickly there is no shame in asking for help because I will be asked back.  We don't keep tally's and we don't keep secrets.  We don't knock on the door, we walk in, we don't call before we come because we are always welcome and we don't take no for an answer.  These aren't just friends, these are extended family and I wouldn't have it any other way!

So for all the things I never thought I would do, and for all the places I never thought I would go....HA!  Look at me now!  I'm doing it and I'm going there!  So if you think you can't, you won't.  If you think you don't, you aren't.  However if you choose to, you will.  If you think you do, it's as good as done.

Carpe Diem-Seize the Day!!

It's Been Too Long...UPDATE!!

First I want to apologize that it has been so long since I last wrote.  I've had some computer problems that limited my access among some other issues I will let you know about over the last few months.  Thanks to my amazing Dad I no longer have computer issues and cannot use that as an excuse not to write!

Now I will try to make this update as short and sweet as possible, but if you know me you know that is probably going to be a promise I am bound to break.  It has been too long and I have much too much to tell.

Well, there is no better place to begin than the beginning, so I'll start with the beginning of the journey that has me writing this. So in case you haven't guessed, Curt's TDY was approved so he was able to fly home to help us move.  We chose to do a DITY (Do It Yourself) move, we have always moved our own things and didn't think much of it, but the furthest we had ever moved was the 2 hours from Tucson to Mesa.  We'd NEVER moved 2,500 miles and it is/was no easy task.  I will forever be a proponent of the Army moving us from here forward!

We made it safely and rather quickly if I do say so myself in 3.5 days.  We even managed to meet my sweet friend Jesslyn for brunch.  On our longest day we drove over 900 miles and 4 states.  Gunnar was in the Penske (aka "The Big Banana") with Curt for the whole trip.  That left me and our tortis George following in the Juke.

We made it to Ft. Bragg on Mother's Day evening.  We stayed in a short term apartment off post until our house was ready on Memorial Day weekend.  I won't lie, it was small.  Two bedrooms and one bathroom about the size of the bathrooms you find in an airplane.  NO JOKE!  All things considered though it wasn't too bad.  It was livable for sure, especially since we were told we would be relocated to a larger, renovated home in the future.  No one however could tell us when the "future" was, it could be 6 months or a year or more.

We got Gunnar enrolled in school to finish 1st grade and he loved his teacher and his school.  We started meeting people and making friends right away.  It was amazing!  We had our first BBQ before we ever even moved into our house and then those friends helped us move in.  Their names are Jay and Courtney and their children are Alex (7) and Hailey (2).  You will hear those names a lot.  Thank goodness for them, Jay specifically because there is no way I could have lifted some of our furniture up those stairs!

Then the real chaos began.  Curtis was in the field for a training exercise and had been gone almost a week when I went off post to do some errands while Gunnar was at school.  I got lost and ended up getting into a wreck.  I T-boned a white SUV, I still don't know what kind it was.  I was very luck that I didn't hurt anyone in the other car and that I was alone in mine, but I did total my brand new Juke.  I had minor injuries and was taken to the hospital by ambulance.  I was able to reach another friend I was supposed to be meeting to let her know what happened.  She was able to reach Curt's Commander in the field to let her know what happened.  Curt's Commander let him go to meet me at the hospital.  I was able to go home after several hours and multiple tests.  I had a minor concussion, lots of bruising and pain but I was thrilled to be alive and mostly unscathed considering the severity of the accident.  I think that little car saved my life....

A few days later Gunnar finished school for the summer.  No second car and a banged up Mama made for a blah start to the summer for G-man.  Then a week or so later we went to a marriage retreat a few hours away in Charlotte.  We had a great time and while there had a surprise call letting us know Curt had orders (don't get TOO excited) to move to the new house.  Apparently you need orders for EVERYTHING in the military.  More on that later. 

The good news was we were getting our newer, bigger house that much sooner!  On the other hand my mom was going to be there in a week and it was going to be Gunnar's birthday.  I was NOT looking forward to moving AGAIN.  My mom however thought it was a great idea to move while she was there.  She loves to move and decorate.  Ugh!  So we had to go to a briefing about the relocation due to renovations (or some such brief).  What I didn't know is the strange looking paperwork we got from the housing office was in fact Curt's orders for this move (they looked NOTHING like his other orders).  Silly me didn't bring them to the brief and since the briefs were only held on Friday's and Monday's we had to wait until the following Friday due to July 4th being a Monday.  The good thing about my little slip up....we wouldn't be moving while my mom was here or over G's birthday.  Gotta love when The Big Guy looks out for ya. 

Mom was here for Gunnar'sGunnar's birthday at Jay and Courtney's house because Alex and Gunnar were born a day apart and the boys hit it off right away so it just made sense.  A bit chaotic but still fun just the same, and the boys had a great time, so that's really all that matters.  We watched the fireworks from home to avoid the heat, humidity and most important (to me) the crowds!  

Before I knew it mom was heading home and it was back to life as normal.  Or as normal as it can be when all we seemed to be doing was moving.  This time it was MUCH easier!  The moving company came in and packed our house.  The next day they loaded the truck and unloaded at the new house.  Meanwhile my stress level was starting to go through the roof.  I was trying to get the car wreck taken care of, the move done, our AZ house sold, entertain G-man (poor guy) and tons of other little things.  Curt seemed to sense I needed a break and he couldn't get leave to go to NJ for a long weekend like we had planned.  That's when he decided to fly me and Gunnar out for a week while he stayed here.  I was beside myself.  I knew I needed a break and I wanted so badly to go and see family as well as to give G some (if short lived) enjoyable time during the summer.  I didn't want to leave my husband though.  There were times I wouldn't have thought much about it, but after being apart for so long and never knowing when he may have to leave again for training or the dreaded D word, I hate to be away if I don't have to be.

True to form Curt didn't let me dwell on it long.  He assured me the trip was exactly what I needed and that he would be fine and waiting right here when we got home.  We NEEDED to see family and to take a break from the chaos.  Damn I love that man!  He always knows what I need, even if sometimes I don't.

We had a great time in NJ.  I got to see family I haven't seen since I was a teenager.  Lots of cousins, some I hadn't even met since they were born after I left the East coast.  I was able to spend some quality time with my grandparents and my aunt.  I even got to see my Nana (mom's mom) and introduce Gunnar as a surprise!  She was so excited and shocked.  I don't think I'll ever forget the look on her face.  

Alright I know this is getting long, so let me try to sum this up for you.  We got the AZ house sold!  It was a short sale, but that is what we were going from from the beginning so it was no shock.  We put it on the market as a short sale and the first offer was accepted.  It was all a matter of the bank coming through and the paperwork being approved.  I'm happy to say all is complete.  Although I prefer to "never say never" I would also prefer NOT to purchase and/or sell another house until Curtis is retired from the military!  That was no piece of cake, and the only benefit for us is that we didn't have to foreclose.  I'm still working feverishly on trying to close my GAP claim from the wreck.  Gunnar started 2nd grade on August 25th.  He loves his school and is teacher.  He's also playing soccer with his first game coming up on the 17th.  

Okay, I know there is plenty more but I'll leave it here for now.  I promise I will keep up better on the blog.  I have so much I want to say, I just need to get it out of my head and onto the blog.  As you can see there have been HUGE victories in our lives over the last couple months.  Moving cross country in one piece as a family and staying in tact no matter the trials.  Overcoming a sever wreck and coming out stronger for it.  Moving AGAIN less than 2 months after getting here.  Making some great friends and being open to new people and new things.  It's not peaches and cream every day, but we make it work and we learn as we go.  What's your victory...big or small?

Extra Extra Read All About It....Orders Have Arrived!!

Curtis got his paper orders!!  Yes, you read right, after what has seemed like forever (I know it hasn't been that long, but the wait sure seemed like it) Curtis got his official paper orders.  For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, paper orders are the final say so in where we will be heading on our journey.

Drum roll please....Ft. Bragg, NC is going to be our new home starting in May for an undetermined amount of time.

Although this was not on the coveted "wish list", I for one couldn't be happier about our new destination.  This desert rat is ready to head back to her ocean roots for a while and this is as close as I'm going to get.  About 2 hours from the Atlantic ocean.  Not the same beach I grew up on, but a "new" me allows for new beaches in the sands of life.  I hear the North Carolina shores are beautiful and I cannot wait to sink my toes into the sand and sea!  Another major plus is that we will be much closer to many of my family members that we haven't seen in years.  Some who have never even met Curtis and Gunnar due to the distance and cost to visit one another. 

As much as I am going to miss my family and friends here and yes even the desert I have grown to love dearly, I am excited for this new era of our lives to begin.

Full of Surprises

Well 2011 sure has been full of surprises and it continues to be!  This comes to you a little bit late, but my husband is not the easiest person to reach these days, and I did need to let him know of the "little" surprise first ;-)


So without further a due....I give you the new addition to our "family" the 2011 Nissan Juke S!  The Juke is considered a Sport Crossover.  It has 4 doors and a lot of space inside with the great gas mileage that I was missing in my trailblazer.  My favorite feature is the hands free bluetooth that can connect up to 5 phones.  Now I can talk and drive on post (that means I can call for directions)!!

Front View

Side View

I call her my Bugga Boo, but my Dad and sister think she should ribbit instead of beep so I guess they think she's more like a frog!  Curt's comment after seeing a picture was " It's a little funny looking.  I think it suites us!"  I had to laugh, it was a very Curtis thing to say.  Either way I think she's perfect! 

I have to admit, I've never purchased a vehicle on my own before.  I'm sure that is no big shock to those of you who know me well or who read my blog often.  Here's the kicker...Curt was in the field and had no idea I was even considering a new car!  Lucky for me, Curt and I have a very open and understanding marriage and once I told him of "our" purchase, he said he had full trust that I had made the right decision for our family and he was proud of me for doing it on my own. (Que the "awe's)  He also said that he would not have been nearly as comfortable with me doing something like this without him 8 or 10 months ago, but I am a much more independent and researched person than the woman he left. 

It was a very true statement, but also a bit shocking.  I didn't realize my husband had noticed how much I have changed.  It's not that I think he is oblivious to the changes, it has more to do with being 900 miles apart and having minimal communication.  I guess I didn't realize how much he had/has been privy to through that little bit of communication.  It is pretty eye opening.

I am really thrilled with the whole process, I was able to accomplish a goal I had set before Curt left for BCT, actually come to think of it, I had been trying to trade in the trailblazer since he enlisted to no eval.  It wasn't until I re-evaluated what we really needed, as opposed to what I thought we needed/wanted in a vehicle and I opened up all my options.  Once my views were no longer set in my typical black and white ways I had more vehicles available to choose from.  This gave me a bargaining chip I hadn't previously had.

Once I found the Juke, I knew it was right for us and it was a matter of getting a decent trade in for the trailblazer and the right payment for the Juke.  This is another place where the "old" me would typically get suckered.  In the past I would have either left the dealership with a vehicle I wasn't thrilled with, just to get rid of the trailblazer or I would have succumbed to a price was neither comfortable with or could reasonably afford.

Instead I bartered.  I walked in with all the documents I knew I would need in the event we could work out a deal, so that they knew I meant business.  I also didn't take the first offer that came down the pipe.  Not only did it not fit my budget, but I knew I could do better.  So I countered, they countered, I countered once more and we had a deal.  Just before midnight I had signed everything and I was heading home wondering how on earth I was going to get up for work in less than 3 hours, but I really didn't care at that point, I was elated!  I was truly victorious in my own right, and thrilled to have come to a point in my life where Mrs. Indecisive had become Mrs. Decisive.  

Victory abounds in my life....as it should!